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Now you, too, can benefit from the words of wisdom of Maria's mom!
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Subject: New Baby in the New Year
Mrs. Bamford,
Good day. My wife and I are expecting our first child in Feb. I have a lower middle-class income, and I'm hoping you might have a suggestion as to how we can raise a child can be in these tough economic times. Thanks for your advice, and have a great new year.
P.S. I have a sister-in-law in Minnesota. Go Gophers!
Ryan Taylor
Dear Ryan,
Congratulations on your new adventure! There is never a perfect time to have a baby financially. But, believe me, a baby is a blessing - and even though you don't have a ton of money, there are a lot of things to do to save money. (Joel and I never spoiled our girls materially - they learned to live on a budget, and that has helped them in the long run)
I am hoping that your beloved is interested in nursing your little one, as that is the best and most healthy thing ( the baby gets the moms immunity for starters) for babies, and saves a great deal over formula. I am a great believer in garage sales and in the Goodwill, where you can find a lot of good not very used baby things. ( it is also entertaining!) I like Target better than Wallmart,( because they treat their employees better) but realise that the latter often has better prices. If you have a washer and dryer, it really saves money ( and the planet) to wash diapers. I did it for years- and it was not a big deal. With daycare, you may have to buy some disposables though. I absolutely needed to work when Maria's older sister was an infant - and because we had a great daycare person, almost never felt guilty. Our older daughter has four children and all were in day care from infancy to kindergarten and are great kids. The most important thing you can do for your children is to spend time with them, love them a lot, and READ to them. ( thank God libraries are free and there are great used book stores around) Babies are happy with a few pots and pans and some spoons to bang on them... really. And they do not need a lot of toys to be happy. Oh- Consider starting a babysitting co-op with friends in the same situation, so that the two of you can get out together on some regular basis.( the best thing parents can do for their children is to have a good relationship between them as a couple.)
My guess is that there are sites on the internet about saving money raising children..... you might start with parents.com. I am hoping you have health benefits with your job.... if not, do not be embarassed to apply for something like Minnesota Care, a program for families with lower income. Those shots and well baby check ups are so important. ( i am hoping that President Elect Obama fixes the whole insurance problem!)
I cannot think of anything else, not knowing all the details of your situation. However, I had a grandmother who raised seven children on a shoestring - and my older sibs were raised during the Great Depression of the 30's. My dad taught at a teachers college and sometimes didn't know if he would get a paycheck as the State of Michigan was broke during that time. The cliche is that some scarcity builds character - and I tend to believe that, IF basic human needs are being met.... LOVE, food, shelter, medical care etc.
My last thought - that we do ourselves in this economic climate - is to buy store brands, use coupons for stuff that we actually need ( often they are for expensive not too good for you chips - which my sweetie loves!), and learn to cook with basic ingredients- not those mix things that are pretty expensive.
Hope you have a wonderful New Year. Take care.
Peace, Marilyn B.
Mrs Bamford:
Is it safe?
Sean Richmond
Kansas City, MO
Dear Sean,
I am none too clever... and must admit that e mails like yours drive me a mite crazy.... I have, however, been reading an excellent book about the 1918 bird flu..... my dad having nearly died of it.... so think the answer is probably "No" ....... Better stock up on alcohol wipes and those really efficient face masks (can be bought at Target) and be ready, just in case! There.... at least I have told you something educational!
Thanks for being a fan of our Maria's....
Peace,
Marilyn Bamford
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Lucy Grace
Here is a letter that my mom "made up". That's right — a letter from my mom, to my mom. — Maria
Dear Maria's Mom,
I am divorced and in my late twenties, and am a big fan of your daughter's. She is so funny! I love all the stuff she does about women in the workplace -- the harassment and stuff. I know it's real, too! Is it true that she supports those shelters for battered women? (I think I read that in a chat room on the net someplace) I stayed in a Shelter for a while and those advocates there saved my life -- and helped me leave my husband. I don't know if you really answer these e mails, but hope you do. Say hi to Maria for me when you talk to her.
Lucy Grace
Dear Lucy,
Thanks so much for your good letter. Yes, it is true that Maria supports the Anti Domestic Violence movement whenever she can. In fact, she pointed out our local shelter to me many years ago when she was in high school and had gone there to help, as part of a school project. As a result I became a volunteer there -- and presently serve on that Shelter's Board, a great privilege for me. I am really glad you were able to leave your situation with your former husband. I know how hard that is to do. I will give Maria your greetings, too. She’ll be glad to hear that you are a fan of hers.
Peace,
Marilyn Bamford
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Linda Sharp
Maria's Mom --
I am working on a profile for a new comedy ezine and while Maria has already answered a series of questions for the editor, I am wanting to add a bit more beyond the "inspiration, perspiration, exasperation" of doing stand-up.
I would love it if you could answer the five questions that follow and have fun doing it!
Thank you,
Linda Sharp
Learn more about Linda at www.lindasharp.com
Linda Sharp's latest book, Stretchmarks On My Sanity: The Growing Pains of Raising a Family, is available now at BN.com & Amazon.com. Find out why she is called the "new Erma Bombeck"!
1. At what age did Maria finally achieve peace with the toilet? (Potty training)
2. Growing up, did Maria ever adopt the stereotypical "imaginary friend" or was she content to commune with the Muppets on Sesame Street?
3. If Maria were to be stranded on a dessert island - note that IS dessert,
not desert - what favorite confection would she be happiest with?
4. When visiting Maria, do you ever feel the overwhelming need to clean up
her living area? Be honest...
5. Along that same line of thinking... like most people, I'm sure Maria has occasional ring around the collar, a ring inside her toilet, a ring on her cell phone that drives others nuts... As a Mom, are you anxious for her to get a ring around her finger?
Dear Linda,
I must say I enjoyed your questions... Will do my best to remember those details and answer them cleverly (maybe)...
1. Maria made peace with the toilet at about 2. She was lucky to have an older sister whose good example made all the difference.
2. Maria had an imaginary friend who she called "gear"( I think she meant "girl", but couldn't pronounce the word.) I think she was some sort of alter ego... She did love Sesame Street though... I think maybe Kermit was her favorite, but I could be wrong!
3. Dessert... Chocolate ice cream with Hershey's sauce..... we love ice cream in our family. Just visited a great little ice cream store on the main street of tiny Empire, Michigan....( near Sleeping Bear Dunes). Maria (and I - and her sister) had their chocolate cherry ice cream... it was wonderful.
4. Well... suffice it to say that Maria can be very, very neat and also very, very messy... In the latter situation I just (pretty much) hold my tongue, like any good mother who wants to enjoy a positive relationship with her daughter!
5. Having been very happily married for the last 38 years, I would love to see Maria married to just the right guy - somebody - probably a down to earth Midwesterner - who reads The New Yorker, enjoys children, and laughs at all of Maria's jokes.... Heaven knows I would not want to be more specific than that...!
Good Luck on the e zine..... I am glad that somebody is a current Erma Bombeck... I loved her stuff.
Peace,
Marilyn
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Brett
Dear Maria's Mom,
I'm having a date swing by for dinner. What's the most romantic meal I could cook for her. Any suggestions or romantic recipes?
Thank you,
Brett — Heartfelt Chef
Dear Brett,
I would suggest grilling something like beef tenderloin (ask the meat guys how to grill it), making a green salad, buying a loaf of nice french bread at a good bakery to warm up in the oven — serve with butter on the side (a stick on a small plate).
For green salad buy a bag of fresh spring greens, place in a good sized bowl. Cut up cherry tomatoes on the top, add some sliced peeled cucumbers, maybe a few diced green onions or cut up carrots. THEN some good olive oil — two tablespoons or so — over the top of this, sprinkle garlic powder and salt on top of that, a little pepper and basil (fresh or dried) on top of that - Leave til just before dinner, then mix the greens and vegies with the olive oil mixture — so everything gets the benefit of the dressing... then add some (2 T) lemon juice (bottled ok) into this salad — and voila, you are set! Add salt to taste...
Add a really nice bottle of red wine... a cabernet sauvignon is nice — and you should be fine. For dessert some good Ben and Jerry's in a nice glass ice cream dish — with good coffee should do it. Actually I think the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy book has some really nice receipes in it...
Let me know how this works for you!
Peace,
Marilyn Bamford
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Hank
Maria's Mom,
i just want to congradulate you on having such a funny daughter, i've been to 3 of her shows and i've seen her comedy central 1/2 hour special about 40 times, i still laugh every time. i hope one day to meet her.
thanks a buch,
Hank
Dear Hank,
Thanks for your terrific fan-dom... Hope you will introduce yourself to Maria when you attend another one of her shows... She really enjoys meeting fans and is a very good sort of person. Good luck and thanks for your letter!
Maria's Mom
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Timothy Cox - Helmet Tester
Mom!
What kind of "American Idol" judge would Jesus be... if Jesus were an "American Idol" judge?
Your kid is the best! Her love for you clearly shows through in the material she performs, and her portrayal of you is a
kick-in-the-pants! I feel like I know you!
Tim Cox,
Helmet Tester
Dear Timothy,
Oh, dear... WOULD Jesus be an American Idol Judge? Hmmmmmm... You have Maria's Mom there... You are dear to write.
Maria and I do have a good relationship, worked hard on... though she drives me nuts with this Jesus material! (I do think He enjoys the attention, however... don't ask me why).
Do you REALLY test helmets? My sweetie and I just did ten days on the motorcycle - and subsequently, I have an approach -avoidance conflict with them... safe, but not comfy! Thanks for writing such a nice letter.
Peace,
Marilyn B.
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Andy from Australia
Dear Maria's Mom,
I hope I am not bothering you here, but I simply had to write after seeing Maria's show last night.
She is a very gifted comic and seems a very genuine and lovely person. It was a hit for me as soon as she walked out. The coy approach and quirk of her character works well for her because it is real. Even her nervous pull of the microphone stand was somehow endearing and a look at how honest her performance was.
I thoroughly enjoyed myself but the hour went too briskly, so I am off to see her next Weds night again. Who knows? I might even bump into her some time during the festival.
You and your husband have much to be proud of. All the best from a sunny Melbourne town. Cheers and luck to you and yours.
Andy from Australia
Dear Andy,
I was delighted to hear from you — as we were wondering how Maria's shows were going in Melbourne — and had been out of town motorcycling in Arizona. I am so pleased that you enjoyed her show; thanks for writing!
Marilyn — Maria's Mom
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